Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
