You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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