Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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