I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
