You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
