Porn is love you can see.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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