Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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