I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
