whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
