he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
