We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We got so high we made milksteak
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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