I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
