Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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