how can u be prego again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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