I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize