cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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