I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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