i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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