Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
