i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize