hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
