Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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