A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
