i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
