He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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