It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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