So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
