Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
