I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
