I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
