Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As shirtless as possible
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
