Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
