his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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