96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize