You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
