I think I died a long time ago.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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