My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize