What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
