is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
