I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
