I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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