tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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