I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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