i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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