When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
