MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
