Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
