if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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