you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
