why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
