i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize