that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize