i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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