we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
