i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
