Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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