First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize