so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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