i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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