He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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