dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
