I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
