Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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