i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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