What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
