She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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