i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
