smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
